Cars > Electric

Tesla’s Cybertruck is a whole new level of awful

It looks like something you sketched when you were a kid

The designer was going for a macabre Lamborghini. PHOTO FROM TESLA

Elon Musk is quite a character. First, he straps his very own Tesla Roadster onto a rocket just so he can boast that his convertible is the only production car in the world floating in space. And now, he’s selling a light commercial vehicle that looks something like what a five-year-old boy would sketch if asked to draw a car.

We know a specific purpose this electric commercial vehicle can serve, but it’s totally morbid. PHOTO FROM TESLA

It’s called the Cybertruck, touted to become “better than a utility truck with more performance than a sports car.” That kind of thinking isn’t all that new, of course. Ever heard of the Dodge Ram SRT-10? But the electric-powered Cybertruck does have numbers that could potentially shame this truck and plenty of supercars currently on sale today.

Yay! Funeral companies just found their latest hearse. PHOTOS FROM TESLA

In the range-topping Tri Motor AWD spec—there are also Single Motor RWD and Dual Motor AWD—the Cybertruck dispatches the 100km/h mark in a brisk 2.9 seconds. And while doing that, it supposedly has a towing capacity of more than 6,350kg. To put that into perspective, a Ford F-150 Raptor can haul up to 5,987kg.

That’s a lot of shiny new coffins in there, we suspect. PHOTO FROM TESLA

Of course, one cannot talk about a Tesla without mentioning its extensive suite of electronics. Autopilot is standard on all three trim levels. Although details are still scarce as to what standard features the Cybertruck will come equipped with, expect it to have the same toys as pretty much every other model in the Tesla stable.

Dark and gloomy. Out of respect for the dearly departed. PHOTO FROM TESLA

It’s quite a capable family and work vehicle, then. But we suspect that this isn’t a car that people would be yelling “Shut up and take my money!” at Tesla dealers for.

If we haven’t made it crystal clear, the Tesla Cybertruck has ghastly looks. Sure, it isn’t like any pickup truck that has come before it. But this hideous transporter drops jaws for the very wrong reasons. The shape, full of weird angles and straight edges, is probably how Musk would have designed a car as a toddler. Or some guy who had five minutes to create a vehicle using Microsoft Paint.

Because undertakers deserve to indulge in recreational activities, too, you know. It is a tough job. PHOTOS FROM TESLA

Tesla calls the Cybertruck’s body shell an “exoskeleton,” which apparently works in the same way as the hard skin of a filthy creature like a cockroach. Except it isn’t as tough as the company would like potential customers to believe. In a demo of the vehicle’s “impenetrable” windows, they broke.

Yeah, the Cybertruck is not quite like any other pickup truck on the market today, and that’s reason enough for anyone to keep his cash and run as far away as possible from this rolling mortuary.

Miggi Solidum

Professionally speaking, Miggi is a software engineering dude who happens to like cars a lot. And as an automotive enthusiast, he wants a platform from which he can share his motoring thoughts with fellow petrolheads. He pens the column ‘G-Force’.